Going Back Home

Now I know going back home is supposed to be something you do around Thanksgiving, or Christmas time, but for those of us who can’t afford holiday airfare, we wait just a hair bit longer.

So I am on my track back to the state of O-H (and everyone else says??), and I must say I’m a mix of excited and…scared? I’m honestly not sure if that’s even the right word. Nonetheless, it’s been a pretty long time since I’ve been back home and to be honest, I’m not sure what to expect.

Sure, I still complain about how much my life is in a constant rut where I wake up every day to the same thing here in Sunny California, but at the same time, I’m starting to hit my comfortable stage. The stage where I KNOW what to expect in my day. Catch my drift?

Going home I’m going to be catching up with people I haven’t seen for weeks, months, and years! Not to mention I’m going to be in snow! I haven’t seen snow in a YEAR..now that’s pretty impressive (in my opinion) for a native Ohioan. I’ll be seeing how much everyone’s changed. My friends, my city..my home.

Now I’m not going to lie. If I look back five years from now and see myself where I am now..I think I would be a little disappointed, but this new year, I promised myself I would try and see things in a different perspective. For instance, last year, I would’ve seen myself as a failure. Someone who graduated from college but couldn’t get into her first choice grad school nor get a full time job AND struggling. When I could see myself as a recent college graduate, trying to find her direction, and is somehow managing living on her own in expensive California, but nonetheless, SURVIVING. Kinda makes it sound a little more positive..hopefully..

Well anyway, here’s to a new adventure in a new year. According to the Chinese New Year it’s the year of the sheep (my year!), so hopefully it’s a lucky one?

Or..I’ll just keep praying (:

Friends

..that’s such an interesting word.

Now I only say this because I’ve had a lot of “friends” that have come and gone, but in the end I’ve always wondered why friendships fall apart, why and how they could have been your friend in the first place when they were going to leave you anyway, etc.

Granted, I know some of these relationships have fallen apart because of my decisions and actions, but some of them, I’d like to think it wasn’t me…

Anywho, I bring this up for a couple of reasons. One, it’s nearly impossible for me nowadays to even hang out with my friends (read previous posts as to why), and honestly, they don’t really text me to see if I want to hang out with them. Which brings me to my next point. Are they your friends still?

I was hoping to hang out with one of the few people I have met here when I moved to California, and I must admit it has been a couple months since I’ve seen or heard from her. So I texted her, hoping to hang out, and she responds saying she might be free but she wasn’t sure if she was hanging out with her, “friends.” Well..alright. So, what does that make me? Not her friend?

Maybe I’m just being emotional, but I definitely would be lying if I said this didn’t touch a nerve. Friendship has certainly become an awkward line of confusing and possibly frustrating. Anyone has any tips?

I know…so much for keeping my head high. Welp, off to work blogging world.

~Boots